Thinking Out Loud

I have so many plans I need to put into action. Some are easily doable, the others are harder to accomplish.

My best friend has this 5-year plan mapped out. Every year he evaluates where he is already in his plans and he would re-work his plan in such a way that it is still applicable to his situation. Then he will continue working to achieve it. About a year ago, we talked about his plan of getting a condo unit for him and his wife. It was just a plan back then, he is now living in one. He also has his own car already.

I don’t envy him his work and his title. I don’t envy him his loans he’s paying right now. I just envy his plans and his ways to achieve it.

I don’t map out the next five years of my life. I don’t have a concrete plan of achieving my goals for the year. I just go with the flow. I do believe that sometimes when you plan everything accordingly, the elements conspire against you so you won’t achieve your goals. But hey, that’s just me! Look where my friend is now. He doesn’t believe in my belief

I saw this blog theme where the woman is writing on a journal. It made me want to purchase it right then and there for this blog! Too bad I don’t have enough in my Paypal account to buy it. I wonder why some blog themes are just so darn expensive when the header is so simple and the template used was taken from some other theme.

If I only know how to code a theme, I would have been in that business. I know how to design one. I know what looks good and what suits a blog based on the overall theme of it. I just don’t know how to code and to draw a vector or do that scrap thing.

Oh well, I think I’ll stick to writing on my journals. Hehe

I have so many plans and 90% of it are still undone. It is mismanagement of time, I must say. I am keeping a schedule but I often stray from it. There’s just too many things going on inside my head that I am often left planning more than acting on any of it.

I should start being strict with myself. Otherwise, I might find myself still planning at the end of this year.

I saw a woman frantically writing something on her journal. I was at the park then, enjoying a leisurely Sunday. It reminded me of the days you could also see me always frantically writing on my notebooks. I wrote mini-novels back then. Romance novels. I wrote on cheap notebooks. Those were the ones I could afford when I was still in school. But those notebooks were filled with writings.

I can afford to buy expensive quality notebooks now. I even buy those cute little notebooks I see in novelty stores and book shops. But I don’t write that much anymore. I mean on notebooks. I write more on my notebook computer. It’s easier to me. I still keep my old notebooks and I plan on having them bound.

Still, seeing that woman made me want to write pen on paper again…

I feel glad when a schoolmate I hardly ever talk to back in high school would say hi and hello to me. There are several of them in my Facebook account. There’s even one who calls me by my second name. And surprisingly, I don’t mind at all. Maybe this is really a sign of maturity. What do you think? Ha! Ha! Ha!

Back in the day, I was a snob. I wasn’t friends with the people I deemed a no-no in school. I talked only with my circle of friends. Even in our own classroom, I chose people I talked to. I was that of a brat! Thank goodness I outgrew that attitude of mine. I really changed a lot in college.

How about you, were you a brat back when you were younger?

I want to share this quote I got from my inbox…

Sometimes you have to let everything go—purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything—whatever is bringing you down—get rid of it. Because you will find that when you are free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.
- Tina Turner

I did this a couple of years ago. I got rid of what’s stressing me the most. And you know what? I achieved so much happiness when I did it. It was a risky move on my part. I am the breadwinner after all. But I took the plunge and look where it led me.

I know that most of you out there are afraid of taking risks, afraid of leaving your comfort zone. But calculate everything, plan, seek advice from people you trust, plan some more. And pray a lot! Harder and more frequently than normal. Ask for a sign from above.

If you think you are confident already, take a risk. Take that risk! It might be the thing you are praying for. It might be the only way to achieve that elusive happiness you are seeking for so long.

I haven’t been updating much the past few days. I know, I’m sorry about that. I was just so busy with so many things that updates took a back seat. Not to mention the nasty colds took over my body so my brain felt so clogged and thinking became impossible.

This week, even though it’s already the Lenten season, I am hoping that I will be able to release the productive in me. I love being productive but I must say that there are really weeks, stretches of it sometimes, that the lazy in me will take over and I can’t do anything about it.

I’m really praying that this week will be different. And I am praying to finally say goodbye to these nasty colds.

Marie Osmond’s son committed suicide. He was only 18 years old. He’s been battling depression for years and felt like he had no friends and cannot connect with anybody. It was really sad to read about it. So many people had committed suicide over the years due to depression. They felt like they had no one to talk to, no one to listen to them.

I have maintained my stand on suicide. It is never an option. There is always a solution to whatever problem you are facing. There’s always someone somewhere ready to listen to you, ready to talk about things with you.

I read somewhere that a journal is the best way to express one’s feelings, good or bad. If you feel like you can’t trust anybody with your emotions, you don’t have anybody to talk to or listen to you, nobody cares about you, go get a journal! Write down your innermost thoughts. Write down everything you can’t tell another person because either no one cares enough to hear about it or you just don’t trust anybody about it. After writing it down, trust me, you can feel a lightening of the burden you are carrying within you.

I have a fervent wish to win the lottery. Hit the jackpot! There was a recent draw done locally and the prize money amounted to Php 200M+! Yes, it was that big. That money could have been mine…

No, the money is not for me. Some of it probably but it will mostly go to my family. My grandma’s medical bills. I want her thoroughly checked by specialists. The jackpot money will also go to my dad and my siblings. I want equal share for everyone. Some of it will go to older relatives for their health funds.

I am not being noble or anything. I just want a comfortable life for those that I love. I want to see them strong and healthy and happy. That’s enough for me to be happy as well.

I love journals. In fact, I have a lot of it at home. Some I have written a few lines on, some are still untouched until now. I just love looking at it and the thought that I have a couple ready to be written on. Weird but it’s true.

I have one that I turned into a semi-scrapbook. But since the lazy me is more comfortable writing using the computer, I have stopped using that journal now. It’s still with me, together with old books I have, stored in a big clear box. One of these days, I will start using these journals. For what, I don’t know yet.

In just a few more minutes, it will be the second month of the year already. Yay! Time is flying by so fast, don’t you think? Imagine, the year is already 31 days old. To think that I waited for Christmas to come for a long time. Ha-ha-ha

Let’s all welcome February with open arms. Stay positive. If there had been problems this January, leave it there and start anew this coming month.

Eat. Live. Love. Pray.

I apologize to the few people who happen to read my blog. I haven’t been updating much. The only reason I can give you is that I don’t have much to say.

But now, I have so much to tell you. I have already scheduled some posts to be published within the week. So I am hoping you will still come visit, leave a comment, or simply wait for whatever it is I have to say

Happy blogging!

LOL

There are days when I feel sick even when there’s no outward sign that I am. I think my immune system is down due to my schedule of work and sleep. You see, I got used to sleep for 3-4 hours and then waking up to work. I would take a nap in the afternoon and would sleep really early like around 9PM so I can get up at midnight, or even 30 minutes before. I then go back to sleep around 5 or 6 in the morning for my 4 hours sleep. It’s not good for my body, I know. But it’s the way I work.

Vitamins and minerals. Plus healthy food. That’s what I need!

Find time to be by yourself. It’s good for your soul.
When it’s quiet and there’s no distraction, you can hear yourself clearly. You can hear Him loudly.
You can distinguish more between right or wrong.
And you can focus.

I need to find time to be by myself soon. I have things to think about, plan for. I have so many things in my mind that I need to sort out, prioritize. And I know I can do all these if I am alone.

I feel so darn bad that I flared up again. I always do this when I am tired. I get cranky. I get testy. And then I flare up! It’s a bad habit of mine that I am trying for so many months now to put under control. For the most part, I feel like I’ve gained the upper hand in this temper problem of mine. But there are times when I could not keep it under control and would find myself about to explode. If I can still calm myself down, I do it. Last night, though, was tough for me.

I yanked her off the floor because she’s being boorish and a brat again. I made snide comments about his egging us to be angry over her bratty behavior. Instead of the night ending good for all of us, we all went to bed feeling dejected and hurt over what happened. And I feel terrible over the comments I said. I feel so bad about it that my head’s pounding until now.

We could all use an inch more of patience, I tell you. And I do hope that one of these days, we will be on that place where we could stop ourselves when we feel on the brink of a meltdown.

Concerned love ones are worried the train might leave and I will be left growing old alone. They have been expressing interest in my love life ever since I graduated in college. Most of my cousins got married in their 20s. I am already 31 and still do not have a prospect for a lifetime partner.

In my defense, I have actively sought out “the one” for me. But then nobody surfaced, I told myself not to worry for I know there’s someone out there for me. If none, then so be it. Nothing’s wrong with growing old as a single woman, right?

So let the train pass by if it will. I can always catch the next one, anyway

I find myself brooding most of the time. Thinking of what the future holds for me. I remember something I got out of the app from Facebook…

On this day, God wants you to know… that doubt is the rust of life. Doubt holds you landlocked in paralysis unable to move either way. The time you spent doubting is the time you are not alive. So, rid yourself of the doubt, take that step one way or another, your heart knows what is best, but take it right now.

To be quite honest about it, I do doubt myself most times. I just made so many mistakes in the past that I feel this fear of making them again. Who wants mistakes, anyway? I don’t. I’m sure you don’t want one as well. No matter what they say about our past mistakes making us stronger, I’d rather be mildly strong if it meant no mistakes.

I am craving for this pizza. A crepe-inspired pizza complete with Nutella, bananas, nuts and a pizza bun. Yum! Here’s hoping I can get my hands on one this coming weekend…

Happy Friday!

I feel like I’m drifting. Like there’s so many rocks I have left unturned for the last few years. I keep repeating things and I am so afraid to leave my comfort zone. I have so many plans but I’ve yet to start acting on any of it.

Three years ago, I had more than enough funds to set things in motion for me and my family. I could have already paid some unsettled debts that are minimal in amount (for me during that time). I could have set aside funds for some legal documents that we need in terms of properties for me and my siblings. I could have saved enough money for a downpayment for a house and lot and a car. I had so much money that time that we went on shopping sprees every other day.

I wasted time and money on unnecessary things. And I am regretting it big time!

Of course, I want to stay as positive as I can. I might be going back to the corporate world next year. And by then, I would know what to do already. But I still want some of my goals for this year done.

I also want a clear look of where I am heading to…

There are times when I feel like my life is on a cliff. Barely on land, almost hanging. There are just too many worries. The future is blurry. I have faith in Him. Although there are times when it waivers, the trust, the hope, the belief. But it won’t go away. It will always be there.

I am just hoping that a harness will be thrown my way to make everything more secure.

Ms. Avery left each one of you ten million dollars … unfortunately, her estate is only worth seven dollars and sixteen cents.

LOL

It has always been a dream of mine to put up a cafe cum bookshop. Just like the photo above. I love coffee and I love books. So combining two things I am passionate about is a really attractive thing to me. But funds are not there at the moment and even if there’s enough, I couldn’t focus on it right now.

Soon, though.

What are you passionate about?

I have read a dispute regarding opening a blog for other than journaling purposes. There is a group of students who were tasked by their professor to open blogs so they can be given an assignment and they can post it in their blogs. They also post only about their subject which is clinical nursing and I do believe no one can understand it but them. The biggest issue with this group is that they were apparently used to vote on a blog contest that was really big in the local blogosphere.

A blog is actually an online journal, a log of your thoughts. We can do whatever we please in our own blogs. But issues arise when you are using your blog in a manner that will negatively affect a lot of people.

I hope my blog has a positive effect on others. Even a little.

Well, it’s because I had to change my previous theme, the sexy one. Why? Because when you click on a single post, the theme gets distorted. I didn’t know that until it was pointed out to me. Too bad. I really like that one.

This new theme is something that I found so cute when I was looking for WordPress themes in the past. It is called Cute Critters. No relation to the online journal general purpose of my blog except that I love the cleanliness and the colors.

This will be this blog’s theme for now. I might contact the designer of my previous theme to ask her why the theme gets distorted with the choice of a single post. That’s it!

Ciao for now!

I wish I can put all the negative emotions swirling in my heart and mind in a suitcase and throw it away! Please include the financial worries and the health scares as well. There are days when I feel paralyzed by these emotional burdens that it’s hard to think of the next thing to do, of the future. It leaves me stuck in the present, with all the worries that I couldn’t get over with. Prayers help, yes. Relaxing help as well. But at the end of the day, a real solution is what I need.

Are you?

Most people these days has at least a Friendster or Facebook account. Most likely the latter. I have both. But I just opened a Facebook account recently. My friends were teasing me about it, having been “late” in discovering FB.

To tell the truth, I almost opened an account when it was just starting and the buzz was going around about how cool the site is. But I have this fear of getting addicted to it. Like what happened to me when I started blogging. I spent almost 90% of my free time on the net, bloghopping like crazy. I’m afraid it will happen again in FB.

So far, since I opened an account, I have sought out really close friends only. I don’t intend to compete with people who are there for popularity and notoriety. I just want to connect with friends especially I am online most of the time.

Do you have a Facebook account?

I am looking forward to chilling out with my closest girl friends next week. It’s my birthday week so I am inclined to have fun, instead of telling myself to save up. No, I won’t be spending every dime I have. I’ll just be out for some girl talk and a good meal. Most likely lunch since I can’t go out at night due to work.

The sun and the patio are calling my name…

Happy Friday!

Definitely the next one on my To Read list. My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult. No, I will not be reading this because of the movie. I would like to watch it, yes. But the reason why I got interested with the book is because I’ve been reading good reviews about it.

Plus, I am a sucker for family drama novels.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed it as well but lately, I’ve been seeing my Alexa rank doing great despite the slow traffic. It probably has something to do with the prettier and livelier theme. Or with the regular updates here. Or it might have something to do with the memes I join every other week.

Regardless, I am happy that the previous almost 10M Alexa rank is now up to 3.4M!

Yey!