Thinking Out Loud

I have a thing for cute notebooks. I buy one even if I don’t have any need for it. I don’t collect notebooks. I just buy them and store them for future use. Some I just use at first and then would just store it back. Until I find it dusty from storing it for too long.

Family and friends tease me about this thing. They know I can’t resist a cute notebook when I see one. So they just indulge me and let me buy it.

It’s funny that we have so many calendars at home. Now that I noticed it, I think we have a calendar in every corner of our house. We get so many calendars during the holidays and New Year’s celebration. Instead of giving most away, we keep it. I don’t know what the fascination with calendars is but I think we can qualify for the house with the most calendars in it.

I have so many plans I need to put into action. Some are easily doable, the others are harder to accomplish.

My best friend has this 5-year plan mapped out. Every year he evaluates where he is already in his plans and he would re-work his plan in such a way that it is still applicable to his situation. Then he will continue working to achieve it. About a year ago, we talked about his plan of getting a condo unit for him and his wife. It was just a plan back then, he is now living in one. He also has his own car already.

I don’t envy him his work and his title. I don’t envy him his loans he’s paying right now. I just envy his plans and his ways to achieve it.

I don’t map out the next five years of my life. I don’t have a concrete plan of achieving my goals for the year. I just go with the flow. I do believe that sometimes when you plan everything accordingly, the elements conspire against you so you won’t achieve your goals. But hey, that’s just me! Look where my friend is now. He doesn’t believe in my belief

I saw this blog theme where the woman is writing on a journal. It made me want to purchase it right then and there for this blog! Too bad I don’t have enough in my Paypal account to buy it. I wonder why some blog themes are just so darn expensive when the header is so simple and the template used was taken from some other theme.

If I only know how to code a theme, I would have been in that business. I know how to design one. I know what looks good and what suits a blog based on the overall theme of it. I just don’t know how to code and to draw a vector or do that scrap thing.

Oh well, I think I’ll stick to writing on my journals. Hehe

I have so many plans and 90% of it are still undone. It is mismanagement of time, I must say. I am keeping a schedule but I often stray from it. There’s just too many things going on inside my head that I am often left planning more than acting on any of it.

I should start being strict with myself. Otherwise, I might find myself still planning at the end of this year.

I saw a woman frantically writing something on her journal. I was at the park then, enjoying a leisurely Sunday. It reminded me of the days you could also see me always frantically writing on my notebooks. I wrote mini-novels back then. Romance novels. I wrote on cheap notebooks. Those were the ones I could afford when I was still in school. But those notebooks were filled with writings.

I can afford to buy expensive quality notebooks now. I even buy those cute little notebooks I see in novelty stores and book shops. But I don’t write that much anymore. I mean on notebooks. I write more on my notebook computer. It’s easier to me. I still keep my old notebooks and I plan on having them bound.

Still, seeing that woman made me want to write pen on paper again…

I feel glad when a schoolmate I hardly ever talk to back in high school would say hi and hello to me. There are several of them in my Facebook account. There’s even one who calls me by my second name. And surprisingly, I don’t mind at all. Maybe this is really a sign of maturity. What do you think? Ha! Ha! Ha!

Back in the day, I was a snob. I wasn’t friends with the people I deemed a no-no in school. I talked only with my circle of friends. Even in our own classroom, I chose people I talked to. I was that of a brat! Thank goodness I outgrew that attitude of mine. I really changed a lot in college.

How about you, were you a brat back when you were younger?

I want to share this quote I got from my inbox…

Sometimes you have to let everything go—purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything—whatever is bringing you down—get rid of it. Because you will find that when you are free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.
- Tina Turner

I did this a couple of years ago. I got rid of what’s stressing me the most. And you know what? I achieved so much happiness when I did it. It was a risky move on my part. I am the breadwinner after all. But I took the plunge and look where it led me.

I know that most of you out there are afraid of taking risks, afraid of leaving your comfort zone. But calculate everything, plan, seek advice from people you trust, plan some more. And pray a lot! Harder and more frequently than normal. Ask for a sign from above.

If you think you are confident already, take a risk. Take that risk! It might be the thing you are praying for. It might be the only way to achieve that elusive happiness you are seeking for so long.

I haven’t been updating much the past few days. I know, I’m sorry about that. I was just so busy with so many things that updates took a back seat. Not to mention the nasty colds took over my body so my brain felt so clogged and thinking became impossible.

This week, even though it’s already the Lenten season, I am hoping that I will be able to release the productive in me. I love being productive but I must say that there are really weeks, stretches of it sometimes, that the lazy in me will take over and I can’t do anything about it.

I’m really praying that this week will be different. And I am praying to finally say goodbye to these nasty colds.

Marie Osmond’s son committed suicide. He was only 18 years old. He’s been battling depression for years and felt like he had no friends and cannot connect with anybody. It was really sad to read about it. So many people had committed suicide over the years due to depression. They felt like they had no one to talk to, no one to listen to them.

I have maintained my stand on suicide. It is never an option. There is always a solution to whatever problem you are facing. There’s always someone somewhere ready to listen to you, ready to talk about things with you.

I read somewhere that a journal is the best way to express one’s feelings, good or bad. If you feel like you can’t trust anybody with your emotions, you don’t have anybody to talk to or listen to you, nobody cares about you, go get a journal! Write down your innermost thoughts. Write down everything you can’t tell another person because either no one cares enough to hear about it or you just don’t trust anybody about it. After writing it down, trust me, you can feel a lightening of the burden you are carrying within you.

I have a fervent wish to win the lottery. Hit the jackpot! There was a recent draw done locally and the prize money amounted to Php 200M+! Yes, it was that big. That money could have been mine…

No, the money is not for me. Some of it probably but it will mostly go to my family. My grandma’s medical bills. I want her thoroughly checked by specialists. The jackpot money will also go to my dad and my siblings. I want equal share for everyone. Some of it will go to older relatives for their health funds.

I am not being noble or anything. I just want a comfortable life for those that I love. I want to see them strong and healthy and happy. That’s enough for me to be happy as well.

I love journals. In fact, I have a lot of it at home. Some I have written a few lines on, some are still untouched until now. I just love looking at it and the thought that I have a couple ready to be written on. Weird but it’s true.

I have one that I turned into a semi-scrapbook. But since the lazy me is more comfortable writing using the computer, I have stopped using that journal now. It’s still with me, together with old books I have, stored in a big clear box. One of these days, I will start using these journals. For what, I don’t know yet.